Your young wife married you because you always seemed like “One of the girls.” Unfortunately for her, she didn’t realize that meant you’d turn out to be such a sorry little bitch. With your snub nose banana, money will only please her so much. If you don’t want her to leave, you’re going to have to find a big meat that’ll please her. While you’re at it, make that meat black as chocolate, so she knows you’re really progressive. So what if that makes her think you’ll happily take a veiny pecker in your mouth? Priorities, man. Priorities. And if that big old bull penni happens to unload all it’s sperm in your mouth, do your wife a favor and swallow that goo down. It’s the least you could do.

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