Bikini Valentine

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At poolside, Jenna Valentine is killing a tiny bikini which is little more than a string with some doily-size pieces of cloth. Jenna says she doesn’t own bikinis because she can’t find any that fit her. And she rarely goes to the beach anyway. That makes us sad. The not-fitting part is the fun part. Seeing Jenna overpower this bikini can overload a boob-man’s little gray cells. That makes us happy. But you must love Jenna for more than her huge titties and pretty face and curvaceous rack. You must also love Jenna for being Jenna, which is what we do. As Jenna said, “I would rather have a guy come up to me and tell me I am beautiful or even pretty than for him to tell me that I have big boobs.”

After a few minutes of a mixed-topic chat with the director about bikinis, dolphins, her mom’s swimming pool, her breast growth spurt (now HH-cups) her tattoos and dating, Jenna peels off the suit and goes for a skinny dip. This is the part when the underwater footage is cut in as she wades in the pool. That frogman training was really worth the tuition fees.

Some sculptor somewhere should create a statue in Jenna’s likeness that men could pray to. We promised not to call Jenna’s skin “creamy” and we’ll stand by that promise. But it should be okay to call Jenna a work of living art.